Bunjee Jump

I edge myself cautiously to the precipice not daring to look down to the gully below.  The safety harness is attached to me and I listen questionably to the operator who expects me to jump.  Should I jump or should I chicken out?
OK, STOP right there!  This is no bungee jump, this is a life decision we are on the precipice. There is no easy answer and no right answer.  What is right for one person or family is not necessary true for all.
Before leaving the city six months ago I spoke candidly to a trained nurse at the HD association.  She provided me with a list of care facilities to inspect.  After a bit of research I cut my list to three.  I have visited two already.  The implications of what lies ahead creates a battle scene in my head.
I remember attending Huntington's group sessions for carers when life with Merv was easy and no major decisions were necessary.  I had sat glued to my seat barely moving or flinching a muscle. I was  horrified, mortified of the group's real stories of their caring journeys.  I wanted to run, to hide and not be found.  If you hide the Huntington's will seek you out and cause you pain.  There is no hiding place.
I remember vividly a story I read about a male carer in a similar position to myself, he was just beginning his journey with his wife and was also horrified of the stories of other carers.  He related the story of hearing about 'the shit hitting the walls.'  Years later he confessed that was also happening to him.  Their journey had advanced and now his story was the same as the rest of the group.
Unfortunately my journey has also caught up with us.  There is 'shit' everywhere and I'm cleaning it up and poor Merv as well.  I don't remember at the alter on our wedding day when I said, "For better or for worse" never realising it meant cleaning adult shit as well.  Babies; well that a whole different matter.
Do I jump or do I chicken out?
To be fair, to be sensible, to be realistic I will get the ball rolling.  I'll put his name on the list of the local care facilities but when I get that phone call stating there is a room available for him I am the only one who can make that decision.  If I say 'no' his name will stay on the list.  If I say 'yes', our story will change.
Life is a story continuously changing.

Life decisions - always easier with apple pie and cream