A Prayer Posted

I remember attending the Huntington's Carer meetings many years ago listening to horrendous stories of their loved ones decline.  I was horrified knowing there would come a time when I would be sharing the very same story.  I had imagined that Merv may leave this world in a kinder way, if there is such a thing.  A heart attack (like his Uncle Jeff) or a stroke or something quick and not so painful.  Is that so wrong to think?
I saw Merv's father who also had Huntington's Disease suffer, it seemed so inhumane.  In his last months I shied away from visiting him in the nursing home, he was little more than a skeleton and he had no quality of life.  Merv would visit him regularly.  Now I wonder how it affected his outlook on the disease which he inherited from his dad.
A few months ago I made the decision to put Merv's name down for permanent care.  I battled long and hard but commonsense won through.  It won't be long before he is a two person transfer, already it is difficult transferring him myself.  He is much taller and heavier than me, if he falls he will injure himself and possibly me.  I tell him I'm no good to him if I'm injured.
What is this that I need to place my husband of forty years marriage into a care facility (nursing home)? Surely at sixty three he should still be working and planning a long and happy retirement? This wasn't on our list when we planned our lives so long ago.  Now it looms like a monster which we can no longer hide from.
I looked at all the positives, which there are many.  Care facilities are much better now than they were.  They provide the obvious physical care suitable for the individual but they also have suitable activities for residents, allied health (podiatry, Physio etc).  Hairdressing and massage are often available.  Care facilities are regularly accredited which is a comforting thought.  I have visited a few in our area and was pleased to see the admin and carers happy and confident in their workplace.
I had applied to Centrelink for a financial report which I finally received after ringing them.  Like many government departments I finally got through after forty minutes only to find their letter had been posted the day before.  I received it three days later.
Maybe I should have sat and filled in the  application form for the care facility that very day but as we do with anything difficult I procrastinated until I told myself to sit and fill it in!
It was late at night when I sealed the letter and left it by the kettle.  It was a difficult night's sleep, tossing and turning while so many questions ran around my head when I should be sleeping.
Every morning I fill the kettle, boil it and make myself a cuppa to start the day,  I had not forgotten it.  I dressed and finding other letters to post I sneaked out of the house while Merv and Mel slept.

I walked to the local post box.  The two other letters I slipped quietly into the post box keeping the application form to last.  I held the letter in my hand and prayed over it.  I prayed the letter would be delivered safely.  I prayed that the care facility will accept our application and Merv will be happy and well looked after in care.  Yes I prayed.  The tears will come later.

Respite Again

It was Mel's birthday.  She was 38.  It was a nice Spring day and everything went to plan.  Mel opened her presents, she's not fussy about the presents, as long as she gets some!
Merv's suitcase was packed and all the paraphanalia which he requires for two weeks respite.  An hours drive to Kings Park cafe to ensure firstly we are close to the respite centre and secondly to celebrate Mel's big day.  A friend of Mel's met us there for lunch to spend time with her.
As time does, all too soon we were at the care facility and unpacking Merv's suitcase.  It always takes both time and energy sorting out the last minute care needs and explanations of his special drinking  straws and soft diet.
Merv's not a difficult person to look after, he doesn't have bad behaviours or such like.  The saddest part is he can no longer do anything for himself, therefore I'm running here and there all the time including providing all the personal care and toileting. Not so many days go by when I'm not emotionally drained.  Sing a song, make a joke (drink some wine or maybe some coffee) keeps me going,  Mel being there also helps,
Two weeks is going to go fast.  That bit I know, it is never long enough.  Mel and I booked a six day coach tour from Perth to Monkey Mia including a day cruise to Dirk Hartog Island.
First we shop, then we pack and run around in circles until I finally get to bed only to be up again at 4am to arrive at the coach at 6:30am!
I hadn't trimmed or painted my toenails or numerous other grooming jobs. Once on holiday you have lots of time in your hotel room so I packed what I needed and enjoyed waiting for the nail polish to dry!
We both loved our trip away.  It's part of the West Australian coast we hadn't explored.  Monkey Mia is known for the wild dolphins which arrive at the beach every morning.  Many years ago everybody was allowed in the water to feed them but not today.  The dolphins arrive but only a few people are chosen by the rangers to enter the water to feed them.  There were seven dolphins when we arrived.  We were thrilled it was a wonderful experience.  We also enjoyed the day cruise on a catamaran  to Dirk Hartog Island off the coast.  Dirk, a Dutch explorer placed a pewter plate on the island in 1616, one of the first to explore the WA coast.  We went for a chilly but thrilling swim in the ocean off the island.  Something we will always remember.
Everyday I ring the care facility and enquire about Merv.  Is he drinking enough water?  Is he eating alright?  Is he happy and please tell him I rang.
I miss him but I'm glad I'm having a break.  A time to do all the things I can't otherwise do or complete.  The list is too long to share but it's been fun and carefree.

Dustin & Grace visit Merv in the care facility