A Prayer Posted

I remember attending the Huntington's Carer meetings many years ago listening to horrendous stories of their loved ones decline.  I was horrified knowing there would come a time when I would be sharing the very same story.  I had imagined that Merv may leave this world in a kinder way, if there is such a thing.  A heart attack (like his Uncle Jeff) or a stroke or something quick and not so painful.  Is that so wrong to think?
I saw Merv's father who also had Huntington's Disease suffer, it seemed so inhumane.  In his last months I shied away from visiting him in the nursing home, he was little more than a skeleton and he had no quality of life.  Merv would visit him regularly.  Now I wonder how it affected his outlook on the disease which he inherited from his dad.
A few months ago I made the decision to put Merv's name down for permanent care.  I battled long and hard but commonsense won through.  It won't be long before he is a two person transfer, already it is difficult transferring him myself.  He is much taller and heavier than me, if he falls he will injure himself and possibly me.  I tell him I'm no good to him if I'm injured.
What is this that I need to place my husband of forty years marriage into a care facility (nursing home)? Surely at sixty three he should still be working and planning a long and happy retirement? This wasn't on our list when we planned our lives so long ago.  Now it looms like a monster which we can no longer hide from.
I looked at all the positives, which there are many.  Care facilities are much better now than they were.  They provide the obvious physical care suitable for the individual but they also have suitable activities for residents, allied health (podiatry, Physio etc).  Hairdressing and massage are often available.  Care facilities are regularly accredited which is a comforting thought.  I have visited a few in our area and was pleased to see the admin and carers happy and confident in their workplace.
I had applied to Centrelink for a financial report which I finally received after ringing them.  Like many government departments I finally got through after forty minutes only to find their letter had been posted the day before.  I received it three days later.
Maybe I should have sat and filled in the  application form for the care facility that very day but as we do with anything difficult I procrastinated until I told myself to sit and fill it in!
It was late at night when I sealed the letter and left it by the kettle.  It was a difficult night's sleep, tossing and turning while so many questions ran around my head when I should be sleeping.
Every morning I fill the kettle, boil it and make myself a cuppa to start the day,  I had not forgotten it.  I dressed and finding other letters to post I sneaked out of the house while Merv and Mel slept.

I walked to the local post box.  The two other letters I slipped quietly into the post box keeping the application form to last.  I held the letter in my hand and prayed over it.  I prayed the letter would be delivered safely.  I prayed that the care facility will accept our application and Merv will be happy and well looked after in care.  Yes I prayed.  The tears will come later.