Permanent Care

I have known for weeks Merv will go into permanent care next year (2018) but I hadn't told him.  I kept putting it off. Is there ever a good time to tell your husband he needs to go into permanent care?
It seemed cruel to tell him before Christmas Day.  I felt like I had a ball and chain attached to my ankle,  but it's not about me.  On Boxing Day I took a deep breath or two or three and explained by going into care he will be safe.  So many times I have felt out of control when transferring him from wheelchair  to lift chair or toilet.  His balance is shot, my nerves are frayed! How long before he can no longer weight bear?  I want him to avoid having to go into hospital and the transition then into permanent care.  If we wait too long this becomes a real possibility.
In November I sent a permanent resident application to the respite organisation he stays with the most.  I had not expected a response so soon.  More than a week before Christmas I received a phone call from the organisation.  She asked me if they had a vacancy would I take it tomorrow or would I wait for after the New Year?  It was a trick question.  I replied to the latter.
I don't ever want him to go into permanent care.  He's only 63.  He should be working until 65 and planning his retirement.  The best laid plans are often never realised.  That was our plan.  Work until 65 years and travel around Australia.  The great Australian dream. Once we knew Huntington's Disease was to raise it's ugly head before his expected retirement age we chose to travel both in Australia and overseas.  I'm pleased we did.
This Wednesday we have a 'walk through' the facility which Merv will soon call home.  It fills me with dread.  Once in a care facility the only way out is in a box. It is the last stop in life's journey.  It shouldn't be this way for Merv but it is.
I pleaded my case with him.  I told him he will be safe in his new home.  I promised to take him out for fish and chips once a week.  I promised to bring him home to see the garden we made for him to enjoy.  I kept telling myself he will be safer and I know he will be.
It will be an end of an era.  I will no longer be caring for him, as one of my friends said who cared for her husband before he went into care.  I will be his wife again.  I look forward to that.