Our Loss

She never rings to ask me how I am but she did last week.  I lied and said I was fine.  I couldn't tell her over the phone the news I had heard only an hour beforehand. 
I had cried while standing at the sink.  I didn't want Merv to see me but what could I do, it was most unexpected.
I had rang to make an appointment with my GP.  It was Saturday morning and I was thinking of a quiet time mid-week to catch up with her news and share mine.  My GP and me go back a long time. Maybe fifteen years or more.  She also sees Mel and we chat about all sorts of things, many not medical related! 
When I last took Mel to have her prescriptions updated a few months ago she at once asked me how my fundraising walk across England had gone.  She was impressed and I had hoped to catch up with a bit more news but it was never going to happen.
The girl on the end of the phone told me Dr Rimmer had died.  I took a moment thinking she had her wired crossed and explained I wanted to make an appointment to see my GP.  "I'm sorry, she has passed away" she replied.  I asked what had happened but she said she couldn't give me any details.
I made an appointment to see another GP at the centre who I had seen before.  The tears swelled in my eyes as I finished the call and escaped to the kitchen to grieve silently.
It wasn't long before Mel rang and I feigned happiness but later told her she must have picked up my grief in the spirit.  I couldn't tell Mel over the phone. I needed to tell her face to face.  I needed to feel her emotions and hug her as she cried. 
I arrived at the medical centre as planned and I requested my prescription update as I had planned.  She was orderly and I didn't mention the demise of my GP but I didn't wait long before she became to talk about Dr Rimmer's sudden and expected death.  I asked if my doctor had a heart attack (my hairdresser said she had) but she merely said they didn't know. 
Her husband had passed away and she lived a long way out and missed him.  I thought about what she said in the following days and wondered if she had just had enough and chose to join him?  She was only 64, a woman with many years ahead in today's world. 
I will never know, even in today's world it is not something which is openly discussed especially when the person is much loved and respected professional. People often think we're ok, when we're not.  Was it like that for her?
I had not known my GP had worked tirelessly with domestic violence victims on the days she was not working at my local centre.  She had also worked in mental health which was the reason Mel didn't find another GP when she left home. They shared a special bond.
We will miss her.  Her family will miss her.  She will be greatly missed by many.