The Smile

I rarely turn on the morning show but this morning I tuned in for 5 minutes and was rewarded with a beautiful story which touched my heart and yearns to be shared.
A young man has started his own, 'Happy Monday,' video blog on SMILING.  He wanted to know what makes people smile.  He was surprised but you and I wont be.
He has travelled all around Australia asking people of all ages, cultures and career choices.  He reported the things which made people smile;

• Spending time with family and friends
• Spending time in the outdoors
• Surrounding themselves with positive thinking people
• Taking time to enjoy whatever they do

No one mentioned money, wealth, social status or career. 
Whether we spend most of our day using technology the things which make us smile, which is our happiness are the basics of life.  They make us smile, they make us happy.

As a full time carer I know laughing about the things we can't change helps us through our journey together.  When life becomes too difficult a smile, a hug, a happy thought goes a long way to a better life.

Vouchers and Freebies

The first, 'Buy one, get one FREE,' I can remember were the MacDonald's and Hungry Jacks burger coupons in the 80's.  A plus for us with two small children.  We would treat ourselves to burgers, sundaes and thick shakes and save money with the deal.  
We no longer buy burgers with or without coupons but the number of offers available have escalated and include almost anything you can think of.
Only a few years ago I had a range of  reduced priced offers tempting me from my inbox.  There were Groupons, Scoopons and Our Deals offers.  All of them offered; cheap breakfast, 50% off meals, holiday packages, movie deals, beauty, massage and recreational offers too good to resist.  I was working and took advantage of a variety of these offers, even purchasing vouchers to pass on to family and friends as gifts and to simply say, 'thank you.'
Merv had been working for the same business for 30 years and was given two years paid sick leave, which was less than his regular take home pay.  His job involved shift work and a shift work allowance, but we managed well.  I rearranged our finances ringing up our utilities, many of them surprised me by offering us cheaper alternatives.  We trimmed down our 'wants list,' and I decreased my working hours from full time to 3 days a week.  We were managing ok.
Then it just hit me.  What was I doing?  I was being tempted by all of these deals, most of which I just didn't need.  Time to take action!  I unsubscribed from them all, just like that.  It was as good as cleaning out the wardrobe!  No more temptation.  Now when we go out for dinner, we chose where we want to go, not the coupon. 
Today we went to the movies and saw, 'Superman, Man of Steel,'  and I used my new Ace Card.  We like the movies and maybe we go once or twice a month, but the deal is too good to refuse.  For a small annual charge we get into any Ace movie, any day. any time for $10 each.  A few dollars more for 3D and a good deal on Gold Class.  We arrive early and secure our seats which are on the same floor level, no steps to contend with.  Life is good when you make the rules.

How Money Impacts Us

Merv and I met early in 1976.  We had never met before, but our family stories share a parallel.  Both our families are working class.  My father was a plasterer and his father was firstly a French polisher and later a factory worker.  Merv has 2 sisters and 1 brother, I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers, not a big difference.  My family were 10pound poms and his 3rd generation Australian.  Definitely different histories there.
Merv's parents bought a war service home south of Perth in the 1950's and later bought a modern duplex in a suburb close by.  My family lived in South Australia and moved to WA in 1969.  I can remember moving 5 times before I left home at 18 and there were always money issues.  Yes more differences. 
Then the parallels come together as one, both set of parents ended up treading the very same path.
Cutting a long story short both our parents had a house each and through a series of circumstances and possibly not always good decisions both parents were left renting with no 'nest egg' to rely on.

When our children were young, my older sister said she wanted only to be able to retire in her own little cottage somewhere.  This has stayed with me; to be able to own a bit of real estate and not have to worry about rent or mortgage.
Only in recent years has this become a possibility.  I am not always good with money and I wish I was more disciplined, but we were blessed when Merv's disability insurance and super came through in 2011.
I stood holding the cheque which was about to change our lives.  I said to Merv, "Ferrari or mortgage?" It never really was a question.  I had the discharge forms printed, filled in and posted that very same day.  When I retired this year I paid off my credit card and for the first time in our married life we have been debt free.  It is an amazing feeling, but I know I am blessed and I am very grateful.
I often think of fellow carers and pensioners who continue to pay rent or ongoing mortgage repayments and the hardship it impacts upon them and limits their savings ability.  It can happen to anyone, it happened to our parents.  I hope I have the opportunity to help others as we have been helped.

 

Time is of the Essence

I retired from my community services job over 3 months ago.  I was a coordinator looking after 60 volunteers for a not for profit service provider.  I loved my job, but it was time to leave to care for Merv and join Mel in her journey of HD testing.  Unfortunately her results were positive, but it is part of her journey now and she knows I am there for her.
When I was working I had enough respite hours to leave home, work all day and return home.  I worked three days a week.   We were fortunate to receive respite of 11.5 hours a week free through DSC.  We paid PHCS for the rest of the in-home respite at  $8 per hour, which totalled $160 per month.  Merv also attends the HD group for 4 hours and a local day centre for 6 hours a week, which kept the in-home respite affordable.
Since I retired his free respite has been reduced to 10 hours a week and the carer arrives at 9am instead of 7:30am, which keeps everyone happy.  It is less stressful setting the alarm later and being ready to head out at 9am!  No longer to go to work but either my time is for Mel's never ending appointments and unit cleaning or an appointment of my own doing. 
This is where my dilemma commences.  During my working life (three years since Merv's became ill) I worked all day and drove home at 4pm, my erratic driving often mistaken for a Grand Prix practise.  I had no free time to shop, to browse, to consider, to buy.  I would have to arrange for Dustin to come after work, or go out during the weekend and Mel was stay and keep Merv busy.  I once - yes just once, took a sickie. 
My two week respites were like a trip to another planet.  I shopped all day because I could, I arrived home and sat in front of the TV and ate prawns and salad.  No need to think about Merv's showering, dressing and medications.
Today Merv went off to the day centre for 6 hours and I was free.  What did I do? You wont believe it but I cleaned out the walk-in pantry. It took all day.  It was boring.  It was hard work.  I could have done so many other things but the pantry now looks and works so well.  I am so happy. It is such a relief!  It hadn't been done for over two years and that was just a quick sort out, today was the real deal.  I am so relieved I finally had time to get it done.  Time, I once took for granted.

Our Retirement Story in our 50's

Upon reflection today, I remember clearly saying to Merv we should have our retirement while we still worked.  We both lived deep in denial, hoping and praying that the grim reaper which poses as HD would bypass us while our heads were buried in the warm sand.  Just a little bit of me, screamed, "Go have fun, see the world, go live life like we should during retirement."
We had never travelled outside Australia until 2006 (I arrived in Australia at the age of 6 with my family from the UK).  It was our 30th anniversary and we booked our first cruise on the Gemini, just to try it.  We loved it.  We were upgraded to an ocean view cabin and we were treated like royalty.  We stayed in Singapore and cruised to KL, Penang,  Langkawi and Phuket.  In 2007 we cruised to the South Pacific from Sydney.  Our kids came with us to celebrate my 50th birthday.  Mel was terribly sea sick but it didn't stop us having a great time.  In 2008 we spent 34 days in beloved Italy.  As we arrived in Venice by water taxi I stepped from reality into a storybook.  Australia seemed a thousand years away.  We loved and breathed Italy.  We cruised on the eastern side to Olympia, Athens, Santorini, Corfu and Dubrovnik.  We spent the better part of the day walking within and on the walls of the historic walled city.  Back to Venice and we travelled like the locals by train to Florence, Montebello and later to Rome.  We took a bus tour to Pompeii and from Sorrento we travelled to Naples by water shuttle and cruised on the western side to Sicily, Majorca, Barcelona, Marseilles, and Genoa.  An amazing and breath taking journey.
In 2009 as Merv's health began to take a dive we travelled to Shanghai by air and took a 5 day cruise to Japan, returning to complete a 12 day tour of China.  We walked the Great China Wall twice, we were awe struck by the enormity of the Terracotta Warriors in Xian.  We cruised upstream the Yangtze River for 4 days and witnessed the lives of the local people.  We finished our holiday with 3 days in busy Hong Kong.
Merv's health crashed in May 2010. A year later we holidayed for 5 days at Rottnest Island (a short ferry ride from Perth) but at the end of 2011 we threw caution to the wind and took a 2 week cruise from Sydney to New Zealand stopping at 4 ports and encompassing both North and South Islands.  It was freezing for January but beautiful scenery and warm people.  We booked a disability cabin which helped and he was still walking relatively well.
Merv said only the other day he would like to travel more.  I looked at him knowing his travel is more than likely to be local and at best within Australia.  The days of the long airport wait and queues are now associated with stress rather than pleasure. 
My holiday breaks without him are now solely for rejuvenation.  It is with joy I am able to return with a peaceful mind and heart.

Less of a Woman

We continuously hear how high the percentage of obese or overweight people in Australia is.  It is the same in many other western countries.   Melanie is overweight mainly due to her mental health meds.  At the age of 22 she went from size 8 to size 18 in twelve months.  The meds increase her appetite.  Her hunger demands her attention and she submissively feeds the brute.  She has tried Jenny Craig, shakes - every flavour, every brand, Lite N Easy and for the last 4 months Weight Watchers.  Mel has finally lost 5kg but its an ongoing yo-yo ride.  Some weeks its a star on her WW card and other times bring tears, grief and unbelief.  At least she has lost 5 kgs.
I have my own weight demons.  During my younger years I wore size 10 clothes and never had to worry about dieting.  Then I had children and the jigsaw puzzle of life changed the picture view.  I had to begin watching what I ate, how I could exercise, which was mainly walking and aerobics on video/early morning TV!  I began my own yo-yo experience.  I would lose weight before going on holiday to allow me to each anything of choice while away.  I wouldn't lose it when I returned home.  Only a few months before the next holiday would I then begin to lose the weight.  The pattern had  evolved. I did the same last year when I went to Bali but lost only half the weight I wanted to.  When I returned I put in place a plan to lose all the weight.  I bought a treadmill in 2009 when I had to start work at 7:30am and it was too dark in the morning to walk.  I use it at least 6 days a week and think it helps.
Dustin had been on the Body Trim lifestyle program and he lost 10kgs.  I was amazed, it worked!  Just like a trooper I went ahead and watched the DVD's he had borrowed from a friend and did some internet research.  I lost another 7kgs. 
After losing the 7kgs I hit on the idea of following Mel with her Weight Watchers journey and it helped her when we discussed what we were eating and how many pro points we had left and how we could use them all up.  Essential to have fun eating but still stay healthy, it has been successful.   I go back on the Body Trim program every now and then, especially when my weight starts to creep up.  The two programs work well together.
Improved health as I get older is the other reason why I have decided to lose weight and keep it off.  As a carer I need to be well to look after Merv and Mel.  If my health suffers they also suffer.  Back to the treadmill and the tuna and salad lunch!

Robin Hood Syndrome

Just another day.  This afternoon Merv choked on his afternoon tea.  I was busy in the kitchen and Mel and Merv were enjoying fruit, weight watcher's biscuits and a cup of tea.  The silence was suddenly shattered by  gasping and spluttering.  I don't remember exactly what I was doing I only remember I sprinted to the table to see Merv gasping for breath and thrashing around. It took only a few seconds to bring him back to a place of calm and reassurance.  Merv is encouraged to cough, when this happens, which assists in clearing the airway and encourages regular breathing.  Merv, the trooper not only finished his cuppa but his choccy biscuits also.  It was if nothing had happened.  Mel was totally unperturbed and just continued with her afternoon tea.  I have a, 'high alert,' button injected under my skin!
Robin Hood is renowned for stealing from the rich to give to the poor.  He didn't have the internet to check on a person's credibility, he just knew who needed the money and who didn't.  Its different today.  I have spent a couple of years ridding ourselves of a decent sized mortgage and a rather overblown credit card bill.  I am now debt free and have enough emergency money in our savings account to prevent a financial blow out.  It feels good.
The dilemma occurs when I receive what many call the, 'the begging letters,' from a multitude of charities.  Requests for donations for overseas disasters, famine, medical emergencies, war torn countries, environmental, animals, disability sports and the list goes on and on.  I have three charities I give to regularly but am I doing the right thing?  Should I add or deduct a charity?  Do I know if these compassionate pleas ensure my money goes to those in need or is too much going towards administrative and other unaccountable costs? 
When I holiday in South Africa in October I am visiting a game reserve and the website encourages tourists to bring goods to help the locals.  It lists suggested goods -  everything from crayons for children to personal women's items.  I am looking forward to doing just that.  It is the, 'handing it over,' which is so much more personal and almost guaranteed to be given to those in need.  That must be the same buzz Robin felt when he handed money to the poor!