Today I dyed my hair, paid my bills online, jogged on the treadmill for 30 minutes, got Merv dressed and ready for breakfast and the new day, hung out washing, washed the floor, cleaned the bathroom and toilet, cleaned the kitchen and made a refreshing coffee all before I left with Merv to visit my Mum at 10:30am this morning.
She said, "Pamela you are too busy." She is right. Keeping busy stops me from thinking about the road ahead; the long path and the short road. The bumps, the one way streets, the no turning back signs which rear their ugly heads.
I have a good support team with family, friends and the HD association, but still I can feel alone and vulnerable. Keep busy, keep smiling, keep going.
This afternoon I did more housework, raked up the weeds I had pulled the other day and binned them and finished by spraying every un-pulled weed and winter grass I could find without choking a nearby plant. To finish up the service provider came out to do an annual review. It took an hour and I was itching for her to finish to start yet another task at hand.
Solutions are little pleasure poppers. One friend suggested I try yoga It is something we have discussed but always seem too busy but this Thursday is finally free and hopefully we will give it a go. I am hoping that it will help. I am getting weary with my own unrealistic expectations.
Monday, 8 July 2013
Sunday, 7 July 2013
To Trim or to Butcher Big Hairy Bush?
I am watching the Wimbledon Men's Final and running around still finishing the work for the day. I hope the best player on the day wins, this year I don't have a favourite.
The sun was warm in Perth today, the weather otherwise only 16 degrees. The bedside clock I put outside to keep an eye on the time while I attacked the garden said it was 30 degrees in the sun. It was healing energy to my body. On Friday I had attacked the garden beds, digging for 3 hours to eradicate the weeks. Today I pruned. I tidied up the many bushes, snipping here and snipping there. Really I have no idea what I am doing, just pretending! I was left with the big hairy bush which has been there for longer than we have lived here for 27 years. In its previous life it has been pruned and shaped and shaped and pruned but over the last few years mainly just pruned and cursed at... Today it got what it deserved - a number 1 haircut, cut back to its spindly branches and all its lovely frilly greenery butchered.
I was left with the patio area strewn with the hapless branches - more work. Then my aching arms were given a rest and my mind took over. How often will I need to trim this hairy bush to keep it under the control? It is a weight upon my shoulders. Suddenly I experience a light bulb moment - what if the hairy bush was no more? No more pruning, no more shaping, no more butchering, no more sadistic thoughts of its demise? Done I said to myself. Tomorrow I start the, "dig the hairy bush out of the ground project." It has rather a thick trunk and is as tall as me (I am short), just like Rome it wont be finished in a day it may even take a month but where there is a will there is a way.
Then I started thinking again. If I can get rid of big hairy bush what else can I get rid of to make my life less busy and more time for Merv and Mel? I thought about what I do differently now compared to even 6 months ago. Retiring from paid work was the big one but I will start to put in action other things I can change to make life easier for me. I am challenged to see what changes I will make and how I will implicate them.
The sun was warm in Perth today, the weather otherwise only 16 degrees. The bedside clock I put outside to keep an eye on the time while I attacked the garden said it was 30 degrees in the sun. It was healing energy to my body. On Friday I had attacked the garden beds, digging for 3 hours to eradicate the weeks. Today I pruned. I tidied up the many bushes, snipping here and snipping there. Really I have no idea what I am doing, just pretending! I was left with the big hairy bush which has been there for longer than we have lived here for 27 years. In its previous life it has been pruned and shaped and shaped and pruned but over the last few years mainly just pruned and cursed at... Today it got what it deserved - a number 1 haircut, cut back to its spindly branches and all its lovely frilly greenery butchered.
I was left with the patio area strewn with the hapless branches - more work. Then my aching arms were given a rest and my mind took over. How often will I need to trim this hairy bush to keep it under the control? It is a weight upon my shoulders. Suddenly I experience a light bulb moment - what if the hairy bush was no more? No more pruning, no more shaping, no more butchering, no more sadistic thoughts of its demise? Done I said to myself. Tomorrow I start the, "dig the hairy bush out of the ground project." It has rather a thick trunk and is as tall as me (I am short), just like Rome it wont be finished in a day it may even take a month but where there is a will there is a way.
Then I started thinking again. If I can get rid of big hairy bush what else can I get rid of to make my life less busy and more time for Merv and Mel? I thought about what I do differently now compared to even 6 months ago. Retiring from paid work was the big one but I will start to put in action other things I can change to make life easier for me. I am challenged to see what changes I will make and how I will implicate them.
Saturday, 6 July 2013
The Prodigal Son Returns
My boy Dustin flew home from Sydney today and we picked him up from the airport. He hadn't been away for a year or a month, just a week. He attended Hillsong Convention, an annual Christian event with a mate of his. He had a great time at the convention not just enjoying the program but rubbing shoulders with fellow Christians and networking with others who run single and social groups. Dustin is a blokey socialite. He enjoys hanging out with the blokes, with the girls, yes everyone. He is currently helping to run a social singles group. There is emailing, facebooking, texting, planning, booking, delegating and making sure the event runs smoothly. Afterwards there is feedback and smoothing out the wrinkles and more planning for the next event. He does it well.
Dustin is a good kid, when Merv became ill in 2010 he was there ready to help in whichever way he was asked. He spends time with his Dad, taking him to the movies, watching the Eagles win (or lose) or enjoying a DVD together. If I have a planned event in the evening or during the weekend I am told to book him ahead and he will book us in! I have been able to go to dinners, afternoon teas, shopping ventures, time with Mel, creative writing classes and so on. He has been a god-send.
I don't know what I will do without him. Today his plane came in at 4pm and by the time we dropped off his mate and returned home it was 5:30pm. Time for coffee and turn on the TV to watch the footy match. He had said he would stay for dinner and I made his favourite Shepherds Pie and Fruit Crumble and custard for dessert. The dinner discussion circumferenced a variety of topics including the convention and Sydney. Then there was the bombshell. "I am thinking of moving to Sydney," he casually commented. I don't want him to go, but I know it would be good for him. Deep breath, we will see what the future brings.
Dustin is a good kid, when Merv became ill in 2010 he was there ready to help in whichever way he was asked. He spends time with his Dad, taking him to the movies, watching the Eagles win (or lose) or enjoying a DVD together. If I have a planned event in the evening or during the weekend I am told to book him ahead and he will book us in! I have been able to go to dinners, afternoon teas, shopping ventures, time with Mel, creative writing classes and so on. He has been a god-send.
I don't know what I will do without him. Today his plane came in at 4pm and by the time we dropped off his mate and returned home it was 5:30pm. Time for coffee and turn on the TV to watch the footy match. He had said he would stay for dinner and I made his favourite Shepherds Pie and Fruit Crumble and custard for dessert. The dinner discussion circumferenced a variety of topics including the convention and Sydney. Then there was the bombshell. "I am thinking of moving to Sydney," he casually commented. I don't want him to go, but I know it would be good for him. Deep breath, we will see what the future brings.
Friday, 5 July 2013
Gold Star Treatment
It wasn't so long ago I listened to a previous work colleague of mine telling me how well her children were doing. They were straight A students attending university, training to be an engineer, marine biologist and doctor. Whatever they touched turned to gold. Not only were they hard working students they were gifted in music and sports. My colleague was very proud of them and I was happy for them.
My kids didn't go to uni and their gifting's were not so black and white! My kids have many good attributes, they are good people who enjoy active social lives and work well with others. I am proud of them.
Life is full of challenges and choices. Mel is trying hard to lose weight and has joined Weight Watchers. In 4 months she has lost 5 kgs, which of course is fabulous. Mel still has 20-30 kgs to lose, it is hard work. Mel's weight fluctuates from one week to the next but gradually she is losing the weight. She is tempted by food her friends are indulging in and what she sees and smells in takeaway places, shops and even her own kitchen.
Today she went to Weight Watchers and found she had put on 0.5kg, she wasn't so disappointed but I was. She had been given a snakey ladder drawn on an A4 sheet of paper on her previous WW meeting to track her weight loss at each 100g. I had hoped she would stick on her first gold star today on the loss of 100g but no such luck.
Why is it we want our kids to win and win every time? When they fail to meet a target we not only blame them we blame ourselves. A deep breath and a 30 minute walk later we discussed what can be done to keep her on track with her weight goal. I know it's an ongoing battle and there will be times she will fail more times than she will lose weight, but that is life. Real life and I have to let her do it her way.
I met my work colleague in the supermarket recently. She told me her daughter after getting her engineering degree decided to be a violinist in an orchestra, which is nice. Her second daughter's marriage fell apart and she has now returned home to live. Her son is doing well. Nothing is perfect forever.
My kids didn't go to uni and their gifting's were not so black and white! My kids have many good attributes, they are good people who enjoy active social lives and work well with others. I am proud of them.
Life is full of challenges and choices. Mel is trying hard to lose weight and has joined Weight Watchers. In 4 months she has lost 5 kgs, which of course is fabulous. Mel still has 20-30 kgs to lose, it is hard work. Mel's weight fluctuates from one week to the next but gradually she is losing the weight. She is tempted by food her friends are indulging in and what she sees and smells in takeaway places, shops and even her own kitchen.
Today she went to Weight Watchers and found she had put on 0.5kg, she wasn't so disappointed but I was. She had been given a snakey ladder drawn on an A4 sheet of paper on her previous WW meeting to track her weight loss at each 100g. I had hoped she would stick on her first gold star today on the loss of 100g but no such luck.
Why is it we want our kids to win and win every time? When they fail to meet a target we not only blame them we blame ourselves. A deep breath and a 30 minute walk later we discussed what can be done to keep her on track with her weight goal. I know it's an ongoing battle and there will be times she will fail more times than she will lose weight, but that is life. Real life and I have to let her do it her way.
I met my work colleague in the supermarket recently. She told me her daughter after getting her engineering degree decided to be a violinist in an orchestra, which is nice. Her second daughter's marriage fell apart and she has now returned home to live. Her son is doing well. Nothing is perfect forever.
Thursday, 4 July 2013
Why Did I Do This?
Sometimes we do things on auto pilot, just like driving the car to the supermarket, we have done it a million times before. Other things we think about but the choices we make can change our lives.
Today was just silly. We went to Centrepoint Shopping Centre as it was in walking distance of Mel's diabetes appointment. She bought a range of groceries which didn't need refrigeration and we went for a walk while the car sat idly in the same car parking space. We had already discussed we would have lunch at Subway in Midland Gate Shopping Centre, a short drive down the road and pick up the other fridge groceries while we were there before going back to her unit. But our plan changed when she bumped into her boyfriend at Centrepoint and I suggested we have lunch together at the Friendship Café. We all agreed and enjoyed lunch, completed her shopping there and went for a pleasant 30 minute walk nearby. The weather was 16 degrees, cool but in the sun it was gloriously warm. Then we got in the car drove down to Midland Gate to complete the shopping. No need for Subway now. It wasn't until I got home I wondered why we had not just completed the shopping at Centrepoint. We were right there! Then I realised we often make plans and stick to them, just to ensure we follow them through. Why? I think because we spent precious time working it out, planning the future and we become frustrated if the plan needs to be changed, especially at short notice.
No one missed out today or was hurt by our actions, but many times in life we dismiss people because they don't fit into our plans for the day. We reject their suggestions and ideas and continue on our path ahead without taking the time to check the path and the pitfalls ahead.
I hope I see all of the picture and not just my needs in the future.
Today was just silly. We went to Centrepoint Shopping Centre as it was in walking distance of Mel's diabetes appointment. She bought a range of groceries which didn't need refrigeration and we went for a walk while the car sat idly in the same car parking space. We had already discussed we would have lunch at Subway in Midland Gate Shopping Centre, a short drive down the road and pick up the other fridge groceries while we were there before going back to her unit. But our plan changed when she bumped into her boyfriend at Centrepoint and I suggested we have lunch together at the Friendship Café. We all agreed and enjoyed lunch, completed her shopping there and went for a pleasant 30 minute walk nearby. The weather was 16 degrees, cool but in the sun it was gloriously warm. Then we got in the car drove down to Midland Gate to complete the shopping. No need for Subway now. It wasn't until I got home I wondered why we had not just completed the shopping at Centrepoint. We were right there! Then I realised we often make plans and stick to them, just to ensure we follow them through. Why? I think because we spent precious time working it out, planning the future and we become frustrated if the plan needs to be changed, especially at short notice.
No one missed out today or was hurt by our actions, but many times in life we dismiss people because they don't fit into our plans for the day. We reject their suggestions and ideas and continue on our path ahead without taking the time to check the path and the pitfalls ahead.
I hope I see all of the picture and not just my needs in the future.
Wednesday, 3 July 2013
Trouble with Tax
I retired from work over 3 months ago. I am so pleased I did. I was no longer able to do my job efficiently and I knew it was time to leave. Sometimes you just know, so you do. It's like leaving a job and getting a new one. You may procrastinate over your decision for awhile but you know that you know that you know it's time to go. So you do. It was like that for me. I have no regrets. I revelled in the extra time I had, that I could go to the shops without dashing in and out to be home in time for Merv's carer to leave.
The financial year has begun again and my workplace posted my group certificate (do we still call it that?) I was surprised I thought I had earned less over the 9 months I worked. Tonight I thought I would be smart and save myself $120 by completing my own tax return. It used to be so simple, but not anymore. The e-tax man was like a school teacher with a sore head. It wanted to know those easy things like my name, address and date of birth. Too easy. Then it asked for password numbers, sequence numbers and a myriad of others which I knew nothing about.
It only got worst. Did I pay money for planting trees or some type of pool thing? What does this all mean.? Do I need to claim a tax exempt for the Carer Pension? "Yes please," I replied but could not find the right button to click. I had also paid $1,000 into my superannuation on my financial advisors advice. He said I could put it on my tax and that nice tax man will put $500 extra into my super fund. Sounds great doesn't it, but I have no idea how to make it work! I could hear that e tax man having a chuckle at my expense!
I like to tell the truth and if you don't you get sprung anyway. I declared I had withdrawn a large sum from my super fund and it was added to my income total. I know I don't have to pay tax on it but the e tax man isn't so sure. My tax bill and Gina Rhinehart's are looking similar.
After 2 hours of frustration my mouse came to my aid. I clicked on the right hand corner of my screen and decided against better judgement to save the monster I had created.
Deep breathing commenced and continued. Thank God I put an end to the crazed e tax man.
The power of the mouse, the victory of the slain e tax man. Let him be a crazy, hairy, ravenous bear to another poor unsuspecting victim.
Tomorrow I will send an email to my accountant and book an appointment for him to do my tax!
The financial year has begun again and my workplace posted my group certificate (do we still call it that?) I was surprised I thought I had earned less over the 9 months I worked. Tonight I thought I would be smart and save myself $120 by completing my own tax return. It used to be so simple, but not anymore. The e-tax man was like a school teacher with a sore head. It wanted to know those easy things like my name, address and date of birth. Too easy. Then it asked for password numbers, sequence numbers and a myriad of others which I knew nothing about.
It only got worst. Did I pay money for planting trees or some type of pool thing? What does this all mean.? Do I need to claim a tax exempt for the Carer Pension? "Yes please," I replied but could not find the right button to click. I had also paid $1,000 into my superannuation on my financial advisors advice. He said I could put it on my tax and that nice tax man will put $500 extra into my super fund. Sounds great doesn't it, but I have no idea how to make it work! I could hear that e tax man having a chuckle at my expense!
I like to tell the truth and if you don't you get sprung anyway. I declared I had withdrawn a large sum from my super fund and it was added to my income total. I know I don't have to pay tax on it but the e tax man isn't so sure. My tax bill and Gina Rhinehart's are looking similar.
After 2 hours of frustration my mouse came to my aid. I clicked on the right hand corner of my screen and decided against better judgement to save the monster I had created.
Deep breathing commenced and continued. Thank God I put an end to the crazed e tax man.
The power of the mouse, the victory of the slain e tax man. Let him be a crazy, hairy, ravenous bear to another poor unsuspecting victim.
Tomorrow I will send an email to my accountant and book an appointment for him to do my tax!
Monday, 1 July 2013
Harry on the Prowl
More beautiful weather in Perth today. 22 degrees and delightful, like a spring day. We have experienced the second driest June on record. Showers are expected tomorrow and very cold by the end of the week.
Mel rang me this afternoon, 'Mum, Mum can I go to Geraldton? Louise has asked me to go with her.' Mel is 34 and there is no reason why I should make the decision for her. I am a fountain, maybe a mountain of information for her why she should, why she shouldn't, but I shouldn't hold the ace card for her. She should make the decision.
Geraldton is almost 5 hours by bus and 420km north of Perth.
I shudder. A few years back I lost a few years of my life when Mel had arranged with Louise and Kristy to holiday in Margaret River for a few days. Everything was planned and going well and Merv (who was well at the time) drove her to East Perth bus station only to find the girls had the wrong information and they needed to catch the train from Perth Station. The girls caught the train into Perth and Mel somehow didn't make it. The train left Perth without Mel. Sketchy memories saw me with Mel at East Perth Station and arranging for her to catch the train and meet up with her friends in Bunbury. Then the; 'what ifs' played havoc in my mind, it was worst than a long winded game of baseball. I stressed for the 3 hours it took before she was reunited with her friends and I breathed long drawn out breaths when she had. Today when I reminded Louise of this, she simply said, 'We could have waited.' Yes, they could have, my life span would be more promising if they had.
Then there was the holiday Mel took with boyfriend Julian to Albany almost 8 years ago. Nice young man with grandparents in Albany who they stayed with. Mel started wheezing and by the time they were due to go home she was a hospital case. The grandparents took her to the local hospital where she stayed for a few days with me ringing the staff and Mel on her mobile to keep up to date with her progress. I had the dilemma of driving down there but I knew it was better for her to fly home than be subject to a gruelling 6 hour bus journey without a nebuliser. I offered to fly Julian home also but he had an aversion to flying. I did go to the bus station the day he returned to Perth and took him back to his house. They broke up not long after this ordeal.
Therefore the word, 'holiday', chiming in my ears brings back these daunting and graphic memories and endeavour to burden me with despairing outcomes.
Harry maybe on the prowl, ready to pounce and devour. But we will stand our ground and I will ensure Mel is well prepared and in fighting spirit for her short holiday.
Mel rang me this afternoon, 'Mum, Mum can I go to Geraldton? Louise has asked me to go with her.' Mel is 34 and there is no reason why I should make the decision for her. I am a fountain, maybe a mountain of information for her why she should, why she shouldn't, but I shouldn't hold the ace card for her. She should make the decision.
Geraldton is almost 5 hours by bus and 420km north of Perth.
I shudder. A few years back I lost a few years of my life when Mel had arranged with Louise and Kristy to holiday in Margaret River for a few days. Everything was planned and going well and Merv (who was well at the time) drove her to East Perth bus station only to find the girls had the wrong information and they needed to catch the train from Perth Station. The girls caught the train into Perth and Mel somehow didn't make it. The train left Perth without Mel. Sketchy memories saw me with Mel at East Perth Station and arranging for her to catch the train and meet up with her friends in Bunbury. Then the; 'what ifs' played havoc in my mind, it was worst than a long winded game of baseball. I stressed for the 3 hours it took before she was reunited with her friends and I breathed long drawn out breaths when she had. Today when I reminded Louise of this, she simply said, 'We could have waited.' Yes, they could have, my life span would be more promising if they had.
Then there was the holiday Mel took with boyfriend Julian to Albany almost 8 years ago. Nice young man with grandparents in Albany who they stayed with. Mel started wheezing and by the time they were due to go home she was a hospital case. The grandparents took her to the local hospital where she stayed for a few days with me ringing the staff and Mel on her mobile to keep up to date with her progress. I had the dilemma of driving down there but I knew it was better for her to fly home than be subject to a gruelling 6 hour bus journey without a nebuliser. I offered to fly Julian home also but he had an aversion to flying. I did go to the bus station the day he returned to Perth and took him back to his house. They broke up not long after this ordeal.
Therefore the word, 'holiday', chiming in my ears brings back these daunting and graphic memories and endeavour to burden me with despairing outcomes.
Harry maybe on the prowl, ready to pounce and devour. But we will stand our ground and I will ensure Mel is well prepared and in fighting spirit for her short holiday.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)