Forward Thinking

I smile as I remember Merv tucking into a big hearty well done steak.  Just the way he liked it with a big splattering of tomato sauce and a stack of crispy chips with plenty of salt.  I have lots of these memories.  Would there have been any joy if I had recorded the last time he had tucked into a steak?  Probably not but it annoys me I can't remember.

In the last few months I have been keeping my head firmly in the sand. Little changes happen and go unnoticed and then suddenly the realisation happens too late.

Merv has struggled with dysphagia since last June.  It began with choking on plain old water, but he did it well.  After several frightening choking episodes, we used a cup which delivered a controlled amount of fluids before trading the cup for, 'safe straws.'   They are big and chunky and need a decent size cup to hide the cylinder which houses the controlled amount of fluid.

The good thing is that they work.  He may cough and splutter at times but the spine chilling gasping for breath is no longer part of our day or week.  I am very grateful.

Yesterday he choked on his rissole.  My heart sank as I grabbed his knife and fork from his hands, stood behind him and used the flat of my hand to whack him between the shoulder blades. It worked.  I heard the food dislodge in his throat.  I was talking slowly and reassuring as I removed his plate with the half eaten rissole dinner and replaced it with a bowl of vanilla ice cream. 

There it was.  All those memories of Merv tucking into steak dinners, lamb cutlets and ribs come back to tease me.  He will never tuck into such delights again.  Long ago we gave up buying his much loved liquorice allsorts, peanuts and Rocky Road.  Custard, ice cream and cheesecake are now Merv’s regular desserts.  I smile; for cheesecake is one of his favourite desserts and it’s still on the menu!

I email his speech pathologist and she suggests all of his food is cut into small pieces and he uses a teaspoon.  She is young and this is her job, but does she really understand?

I think of the steak and the hundreds of times we have enjoyed a meal out.  Eating out with a spoon, pretending you are enjoying mish-mashed food, it's just not the same.

Never to be beaten I analyse the situation and think of the many dishes he will enjoy.  At the day centre they no longer allow him to have fish and chips.  Today it was lasagne.  Nice and soft and easy to eat.  A great choice, I can work with that.  Thick soups, sloppy mince and mountains of casserole recipes.  He struggled recently with stir fry and he doesn't like curry very much.

I'll take my time and wade through the recipes which overflow in my bookcase.   I know it won’t last long.  Soon it will mean everything mashed and blended.  In the meantime I'll make lasagne, thick soup and buy more custard. 

On the positive side Merv is still mentally active and is aware of everything in his day.  At times while I am running around in a fog, he will surprise me by gently reminding me of something!  I am reassured not all is lost.

Angel in the Night

The blackness of the night engulfs me as I sit upright staring ahead and hoping the road will not disappear on me.  I am driving in a 110km per hour stretch with just a slice of the moon to keep me company.  It provides no light to guide me. 

I was not only one hour late in dropping Merv off to his respite centre at 3pm. I then lost another hour when the freeway was closed due to a local scrub fire.  I rang Dustin to help me but in the end I just followed the cars in front and hoped for the best.  I was relieved when I ended up past the fire and only a few kms from the nearest entrance back onto the freeway.  The shadows were already long and the sun fearfully low in the sky.  I rang the carer’s retreat organiser telling her of my predicament.  She suggested I take my time; which I did.

The freeway was far behind and I had my foot on the accelerator for over two hours at 110kmph.  The dual carriageway was dotted with a few cars and trucks. My CD blasted my favourite 70's music. Slowly the twilight disappeared and the cloak of darkness enveloped me.

I slowed at the many bends and sign posts.  I was doing well until I came to the Busselton turn off.  The road narrowed to one lane each way with overtaking lanes every so many kms.  Confident drivers whizzed by me but I had no plan to follow.  I had expected to arrive long before dark.

Then an angel appeared.  Not the white robe and wings style of angel but a big chunky truck with the huge red reflectors on its back doors at eye level. My God send was chugging along between 80-90kmph.  I happily chugged behind allowing those big red eyes to guide me around the corners and bends.  It was a relief to finally reach my destination without incident.

Some of my friends who had arrived hours earlier later told me they were praying for my safe arrival!

My trauma was soon replaced with fun, relaxing, strolls along the beach, good food and sunset parties and  plenty of sharing.  It was worth the trauma of the darkness of the night. 

Sculptures in the Sand

I remember last year. We didn't go, I don't remember why. Maybe we had just returned from an amazing week's holiday.  Maybe we were busy.

Last week I decided it was time to do it again. I planned the day. Firstly I got Mel onside. It was great for her to have an outing but I also needed her as a back up with Merv.  Mel was happy with my plan and she stayed over last night to ensure an early get away.

The weather was warm, the sky vivid blue without a cloud.  We were ten minutes late leaving and every traffic light was red! The traffic, way past rush hour was still bumper to bumper on the busy roads and highway. An hour later we crawled into a disability car park space and unloaded the wheelchair.

We applauded the crosswalk which stopped the traffic stream long enough for us to cross.  Mel was the first to call out in excitement as she spotted a scattering of sculptures on the sand scattered below the walkway leading us to our destination. 



Merv & Mel in front of Giant Baby

Along with hundreds of other visitors I stop Merv in his wheelchair and turn him to allow him to view the cubby house and a metal wiry thing. It looks like construction had halted without notice. I take a photo anyway.  I later find it is named: 'House of mirrors.' I grunt; fooled me!

There is a naked man sprawled casually on the grass in front of the pavilion.  Fortunately he is shiny red and part of the exhibition.  I take another photo and the fun begins.

I am 60kgs and Merv is almost 90kgs. I am so relieved Merv's chair has hand brakes as I manoeuvre his heavy load down a descent and quickly straighten up to access the winding path.

The huge faceless babies are right in front of us.  They have been part of the advertising and the camera comes out again.  It isn't until we go on a path behind we realise there are three giant babies crawling across the grass, bottoms up!

3 Fat Men - Is this a step forward?

We pass three small fat men striding together. They are also someone's creation which is named: 'Is this a step forward?'  I chose not to consider an answer!.

We pass a number of sculptures and we spy a ring of 'Man on ball.'  They (more than one man) are sitting in a circle in deep contemplation.  I slide the wheelchair between two of the


little men and snap photos.


Winding path to the beach area

I send Mel ahead to check the accessibility of the downward path.  We conclude it is wheelchair friendly.  I use the brakes to slow us and decide not to dwell on the thought of pushing Merv back up!

The Red Flamingos

I easily reach the open space below and we marvel at the flock of red flamingos in the crystal white sand.  They could pass for red swans from a distance.

I use the zoom lens; we aren't going to risk a walk on the sand. There is a huge patch of half buried fitness balls of various colours.  Sculpture? probably not, anything goes. The artists are local, interstate and international.

 

There are numerous school groups, senior groups, families, couples and singles on the sand.  The school groups have clipboards and worksheets.  It is great to see some of the artists entertaining them with their stories of their creations.  We continue on our journey.

 

The path changes and so does the gradient. The wheelchair grumbles and threatens to roll over in the sand. A couple passing by offer their help and the man grabs the chair and we reverse back to the more even path.  The sculptures along the missed path are easily seen from the path above the beach path.

 

I had hoped to see the sculptures on the 100 metre groyne.  It is only accessible via the sand and a variety of steps.  I use the zoom lens to capture the big pink blow up. Is it a rabbit or a mouse? I don't know. It is the only thing on the groyne which stands out from a distance.

The Pink Blow Up on the groyne.  What is it?

 

 

The groyne so far away, Pink blow up easily seen here

The heat is increasing and there is nothing else we can see up close.  We make our way to Beaches Cafe for a welcome morning tea.  It's a small area but we find a table which we manoeuvre the chair to.  Merv enjoyed a cupcake and spearmint milk while I had a much needed coffee.  Mel and I had a date slice each.

Home we go with mostly green lights!

The Wedding

 Magazines are full of wedding stories where something goes wrong or the bride or groom have second thoughts and never show.   The magazines can keep their stories. 

I know I'm bragging but it was a perfect wedding on a perfect day on Saturday 31^st January.

Grace and Dustin were the model bride and groom and everyone said so on the day.  It certainly was a warm day but the clouds kept the sun cooler and the rain stayed away.

I started the day with a stroll around the resort with Dustin and a relaxing swim in the pool before waking Merv and the day started rolling.

It was with trepidation I asked Dustin to take Merv and Mel out while I decorated the 84 cupcakes! I had imagined he had far more important things to take care of but he was happy to help out.  By 9:30am I had the unit to myself with my cakes, buttercream, piping nozzles and my favourite music on my iPad.  I cleared my mind, started my music and remembered the all-important You Tube video.  "The piping nozzle is held directly over the middle of the cake, touch the cake with the nozzle - let it kiss the cake."  I kissed every single cupcake before perfecting the swirl and balancing a sugar flower on top!  Perfecto.  All done in just under two hours.

The rest of the day flew past and by 2:30pm Dustin, his Best Man and Groomsman were running more than fifteen minutes late.  Finally they are on their way and at last we could use the bathrooms!

While straightening Mel's hair (bless her hairdresser who suggested we straighten her gloriously curly hair), shaving Merv I finished checking my list, everything was complete.

It's closer to 4pm than 3:30pm and we are outside the function room at the resort.  The extended family is already there, it is us who are late.  Grace is due to walk down the red carpet at 4pm!

Everything goes to plan.  Dustin and his two mates are standing at attention while everyone is seated. Grace appears like an angel in her beautiful bridal gown walking down the aisle on the arm of her uncle.  The delightfully cute little flower girls walk ahead scattering rose petals on the floor preparing the path for Grace.

There are almost tears as she flows gracefully to join hands with her groom.  They clutch hands tightly and stagger over their words at time.  We all smile, most of us have been there before!  It is a beautiful sensitive Christian ceremony and before long the Pastor announces them, Husband and Wife.  I catch my breath, it is completed and they are now one.

The newlyweds disappear for photos with the bridal party while we make ourselves comfortable in the resort's restaurant celebrating with drinks and helping ourselves to canapés.

The sky clouds over and the night sky hides the sun as we find our tables in the reception room.  Little jars of bright blue lollies on the tables are tied with ribbons with our names displayed.  No silly name place cards in sight!

I help organise the cupcakes on the cupcake stand, much to younger sister's horror.  I know she wants to pull me by the arm and let the staff arrange the cakes, but I ignore her concerns.  I am happy with the presentation and within minutes a swarm of camera wielding guests begin snapping away and oohing and arrh-ing.  I have thoughts of the buttercream melting and ending on the floor but I dismiss the thought and just enjoy the celebration.

Dustin and Grace reappear in the foyer and we arrange a family photo before they make their grand entrance into the reception room.  Oh photograph memories...I love them.

The buffet is in full swing and a little food is good as I have already had a couple of Moscato's.  The buffet is well thought of with a selection of salad, pork or lamb roast and numerous vegetable dishes. 

The speeches are next and while Dustin has been fretting about his for the last few weeks, I am sure I hear him breathe a sigh of relief when he is finished without faltering.  We toast the bride and the bridesmaids.  There are more speeches and praying over the happy couple.

The top cake of the wedding cake looks wonderful with the wedding toppers.  Dustin and Grace pretend to cut the cake for the photos.  The staff distributes my cupcakes and the compliments start flying.  I breathe a sigh of relief, everything is good. Dessert is served and we take advantage of cheesecake, mousse and pavlova.  Why not, it'll be back to jelly and custard tomorrow night!

The night finishes with dancing.  Grace and Dustin take to the dance floor and we are thrilled they have practised as they treat us to amazing swirls and twirls and some very fancy foot work! 

Merv and I get up and shuffle.  It's too hard to dance like we used to, but I place Merv's hands around my waist and move to the music.  After he returns to his seat, younger sister, myself and lots of young people are stomping along to the beat of  the YMCA and various other well-known songs.

It's been a long day and finally we head back to our unit 100m away. 

It has been a very happy day. 

Congratulations Dustin and Grace, we know it will last forever.

Beware Hazard Ahead

Dustin and Grace are marrying this Saturday. I have finally bought my dress.  I have numerous things sorted and the sky ahead appeared bright and blue.  I am a list person.  I have a list for just about everything to do with the wedding and our preparation.  Not that I am particularly involved.  I am baking and decorating the cupcakes. Besides being the parents of the groom there are no other demands on us.

Today was perfect weather for baking and this afternoon I  had baked 52 fluffy white wedding cupcakes.  Tomorrow I will bake the remaining 30 or so.  I delighted in my baking tasks, all of which went like clockwork.  Goodness me, my last trial only last week was a horrifying disaster but the hazards were eliminated and today was a breeze.  My freezer now hums and bulges with trays of ready to decorate cupcakes.  The cute baking cups are uniquely tall with silver flecks on sapphire blue.  I picture them on the home made cupcake stand which is adorned with white rose trimming.  A lovely thought but it will have to wait until Saturday.

Yes the wedding is on Saturday and everything was rosy and humming along nicely.  That was until Mel rang me last night! 
"Listen to me, mum," she cried. 
I stopped in my busyness and listened.  What horrid news was she about to dump on me? 
"I am moving on Tuesday," she continued.  "To another unit, just down the road!"

I froze, I could neither move nor speak.  I could only remember the last two times she moved.  The first time the Support Worker said he would help her move.  At 6pm, after I had worked all day she had rang and said the SW was cooking the barbeque and couldn't help.  I took Merv with me and three hours later with Mel’s help I had moved everything into her new unit.  Everything was just dumped on the floor in boxes. It was such a mess I took Mel home with me before returning the next day to sort it out.  It was another six hours later before the unit appeared liveable.

Twelve months later and she was moving again, back to the unit she had previously left.  This time it wasn't quite as bad, but it still took many hours to sort out her belongings. I had rang my older sister in despair.  She found me standing motionless amongst an avalanche of stuff, needing someone to encourage me.  She didn't stay long, she was busy elsewhere.

Now it is about to happen all over again.  This is what I said:
"Your brother is getting married next weekend; I am baking and decorating 80 cupcakes.  I have so much to do before the wedding and even packing bags and cakes to stay at the resort for two nights is taking all my time.  YOU CAN NOT MOVE THIS WEEK, do you HEAR me?"  I repeated it again, just in case she didn't.

She did.  She went very quiet for at least two seconds and simply said, "It's OK mum, I will move the following week."

I am not looking forward to it, but it's not about me.  Every mum knows they just want their kids to be happy!

No Pain No Gain

I cheekily hopped into bed last night.  I was bragging to myself that my morning of Fitbox and yoga had no effect on this old body of mine. 

After what I thought was a good night’s sleep I awoke, rolled over and I felt I had been hit by a  train!  Everything hurt.  I rolled out of bed.  I groaned.  I moaned a little more.  There was a big day ahead. 

What had I done yesterday?  For the first time in many years there I was running, yes running around the room with girls so much younger than me!  There were repeated push ups, mountain striding (an exercise on all fours) plus boxing and kicking exercises on the punch bag.  I hadn't done that before!

Just to be smart I followed my Fitbox lesson with a yoga class.  Mel had already done her session in the gym and joined me for the yoga class. I've never done yoga before and neither had Mel. I know Mel had done one class of Pilates a few months ago and never went back.

The supple young instructor started our lesson with soothing music and relaxation.  Easy I thought.  Lying on my back for an hour, I could do that.  Then all sorts of crazy things began to happen.  There was the downward dog and other weird names for body positions I haven't done since I was seven.  I am sure we did each of them a hundred times.  There were balancing acts which involved getting up from lying position on the mat to standing in one fluid move.  I could only achieve it by; stumble, pull, stumble, wince (mutter) and rock into what appeared a balanced action.  At least I hoped.  The end result was the same but it included five extra steps!  Mel was contorted uncomfortably.  I thought to myself it will get better for her.  By the time we had finished I thought a swim in the pool would suit her much better. 

The hour passed as I checked my watch.  Surely it would finish soon?  Everyone was in deep relaxation.  I was thinking about what to have for lunch.  We were instructed to straddle our body up against the wall with our head on the floor and our feet half way up the wall.  Everyone was relaxing and thinking happy thoughts, except for Mel who looked at me sideways and grimaced.  I had no idea how I was going to get down.  I hoped no one was looking as I uncurled myself with a thud!  It was now thirty minutes past the hour.  I was bored and I tried convincing myself it could only get better.  As we finally finished I was the first through the door with my mat under my arm.  I didn't stop to wonder if my mat would ever touch that floor again.  I have a week to convince myself to return.  It can only get better, or not!

Christmas Comedy

If it wasn't Christmas Day it wouldn't have been such a drama.  The day started well.  The sun was up long before me and the weatherman promised it would  be warm to hot, but not too hot.  It is after all Perth in Australia and we are well into our first month of summer.

The night before I had prepared, cooked and arranged everything from table decorations to chocolate mousse.  This morning the list in my head had me vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom and toilets.  I showered and woke Merv and Mel.  Christmas greetings of kisses and hugs followed by breakfast and dressing before opening their presents.  The late John Lennon sang his famous Christmas tune.  Nothing unusual there.

Then the gremlins came out to play!  I opened the fridge and it was dark inside.  No welcoming light.  It's Christmas Day; a blown light globe is not a problem.  Not until I heard Merv calling out from the lounge.  The TV had stopped.  I knew what the problem was.  I ran out of the house to the meter box  to flip back the RCD switch.  It wouldn't budge!

Back inside the house I turned off switches and pulled plugs.  Back to the meter box but there was no joy.  I ran around the house pulling plugs in bedrooms and turning off the Wi-Fi.  I sigh, run back outside but still there is no joy.  My mind races to the last time this happened on a Saturday night.  I had rang a local electrician and he wanted $300 to come out and have a look!  I hung up on him and fixed it myself.  It it's $300 for a Saturday night I started to sweat at what a Christmas Day call out would be.  I take a grip of myself and figured I was missing a switch somewhere.  I tried the microwave which has its own cubby hole.  I stood on a chair with the large awkward appliance balancing against my shoulders while I use a wooden spoon as my extended arm to turn off the switch on the back wall.  I slide it back and run outside.  It's not the microwave. 

I stand still but my mind is racing.  'Cupboards,' my mind screams and I flung open the door which houses the dishwasher power point.  I sigh with relief.  There is water dripping from the bench above onto the power point.  I pull the plug.  I run to the meter box and flip the RCD.  Yes, I have power!

I then run around the house plugging in and turning on every power point, except of course the dishwasher.  Merv settles down and watches the TV again.  It's only 9:30am, too early to open a bottle of wine, I make coffee instead.  I have lost 15 minutes but it's OK.

My mobile buzzes and Dustin explains he will be late to pick up Mum.  He has left Grace's present at home.  I gulp my coffee and ask why he hadn't put the present next to his car keys.  He explains he had and he continues to give me a minute by minute account of his actions.  I don't have time to listen and cut him short.  I toy with the idea I can pick up Mum and then pick up Vicki while cooking the turkey, preparing morning tea (most of the preparation had been done last night and the presentation on plates was all that is needed).  I already sound flustered!

Mel is peeling, trimming and cutting up vegetables.  The potatoes are finished and the turkey is in the oven.  Hours later I realise I had forgotten to cover it with foil but by that time it is too late.  Needless to say the turkey was moist and tender.

I throw the morning tea onto plates and platters and arrange them on the table.  It looks OK.  I am ready to leave if necessary but I haven't yet swept the front path.  Our huge ponytail plant flowers prolifically just before Christmas. The bees encircle high above while the pollen loaded flower puffs flood the paving and cling to the doormat.  Yes a hazard for the elderly and disabled.  I get the broom.

I ring Dustin, a miracle has happened and he has made up 15 minutes.  I sigh again and finish my cold coffee.

I finish prettying the table and leave Mel in charge of Merv while I shoot out to pick up Vicki.  She is over 30 minutes away.  That is an hours round trip and however long it takes for her to be ready.  I arrive to pick her up and the staff are not expecting me!  I had rang the day before with specific instructions.  Vicki greets me and within 15 minutes she is in the car and we are heading home.  We chat as we drive.

It is now almost 11:30am and I remember the turkey is cooking (without the foil), the potatoes are prepared but not in the oven.  I sigh, almost time for wine.  As I enter the house to get the wheelchair for Vicki I hope everyone is enjoying morning tea but I find morning tea is untouched.  I lose my cool. Will nothing go right this morning?

Vicki is on the ground on the driveway.  Family  members had attempted to help her out of the car. Why didn't they wait?  I have transferred Vicki many times, I know what works for her.  Vicki is shaken and unhappy.  We get her into the wheelchair and in the house.  Everyone is rather sheepish after my outburst and make their way to the table.  Poor Merv is sitting in his Lift chair and can't move.  I had forgotten to turn on the power point for his chair.  I turn it on and leave him to get up by himself.  I grab the bottle of wine and a glass.  Better not drink straight from the bottle! While everyone makes coffee (I ask for one also) and eat cake, biscuits and cheese I busy myself, grabbing the turkey out of the oven and pushing in the potatoes and pumpkin. Done.  It will be awhile before lunch, which is OK, morning tea has finished just before 12pm!

We play 'Secret Santa.'  Everyone has fun, a giggle and will take home a present. Mum and Vicki swap their presents for someone else's which is more suitable for them.

I settle for another glass of wine but stop there, I will be back on the road in a couple of hours.  We finally have lunch at 1:30pm after chatting to family members on the phone and watching taped Christmas Carols on the TV.

Merv gives thanks for our food before we grab our neighbour’s bon-bon and together pulling and yanking as it explodes sending paper hat, joke and plastic trinket over the table and becoming lost on the floor.

The turkey is tender, the ham is moist.  Dinner goes ahead without a hitch.

We chat happily enjoying each other's company.  This is what Christmas is all about; family
enjoying time together.  It's not long before I am taking Vicki home.  Dustin and Grace take Mum home.

It has been a lovely Christmas celebration.