Mum's Christmas Lunch



My Mum

I was thrilled to attend my Mum's Christmas lunch today.  I took Mel with me.  My Mum is 83 and has been living in a care facility for just over three years.  It's not just a care facility, it's Mum's home and she knows the other residents. She is happy to chat with them and sad when they are moved to other facilities or pass away.  They have become an extended family.
The staff throw an amazing Christmas lunch each year, it's the highlight of the year for many of the residents.  The ladies like to dress up and everyone enjoys the change of everyday routine.
Mel and I arrived early and with Mum leading the way with her walker we dropped by the wine and
nibbles corner only to find all the seats were taken.  We finally settled in the coffee corner for a short time before being ushered into the dining room.  The Christmas tree stood majestically in the entrance, all the tables were adorned with white tablecloths and festive decorations.  Colossal bon-bons were at each place setting alongside fanned serviettes, tree decorations to take home and a few sweet treats.  

Mum with Mel and me

The regular staff dressed in formal black with a gold flower on their top.  If we didn't know we would have thought they were hired wait staff. They shone as they ensured everyone was seated and had a drink to begin their banquet.  The lovely ladies busied themselves while serving and made sure both residents and their visitors enjoyed the scrumptious three courses.  The food was first class, the wine crisp and fresh.  Mel enjoyed a couple of glasses of punch.  A local choir entertained us with a chorus of Christmas carols.  I happily sang along.  It made for a perfect conclusion to a most enjoyable time with my Mum, my daughter and the residents of Mum's home.

South Pacific Stage Show

Our famous actress Lisa McCune as Nellie

Merv was excited when he was invited to see the stage show, Rodgers & Hammerstein's  'South Pacific' at the Crown theatre. The HD social group were given twenty free tickets for the matinee this afternoon.  The HD staff carefully balanced the tickets for club participants with the appropriate number of helpers.  Some of us, like myself provided the transport but did not have a ticket.  I had three hours to fill before the play finished. Should I return home or just stay?  Too much driving involved; I can't be bothered to spend sixty minutes on a return journey. Instead I settle myself at the lobby of the hotel in the Crown Casino complex and order my skinny flat white.  I read my book, I research on Google and complete my Lumonsity training on my iPad.  I read the local paper and check out the upcoming Carols evenings while enjoying my coffee and watching the world pass by. I stretch and have a walk.  I talk with the information lady as I am concerned about finding an appropriate lift to the carpark in the basement.  We had to take the escalator up as I couldn't locate a lift.  Though we were extra careful, Merv almost fell before I steadied him.  I decide this place is not disability friendly, maybe others could enlighten me.
I don't bother entering the casino, I am not much of a gambler, I buy the occasional lotto ticket. Finally the time passed and I met Merv coming out of the theatre by himself.  He said he loved the show and the singing.  He didn't talk much about it, but I knew he was happy and seeing him happy makes me happy. 

Harry Deals His Hand

Our Last Game

I wondered when Merv would give up the domino type game,
Tri-ominos.  Each tile has three sides and the goal is to begin with nine tiles and match them with tiles with corresponding numbers until all your tiles are used. It is more difficult than dominoes, it is challenging and competitive. For some time the game has become increasingly difficult for Merv and anyone including me, realised we were no longer playing with Merv but playing for him. This was dilemma for me as I had to acknowledge 'Harry' was dealing his hand. Time for the game to find a new home. My sister valiantly took the game off our hands.  Merv has played the game so often with me, with Mel and his support workers it almost felt like we were saying goodbye to a family pet. Today we played our very last game together. What better way to grieve a loss but to take up a new interest. I've never enjoyed dominoes but this isn't about me, it's about Merv and bringing joy in his life.  Merv needs no help with this simple additive game and he grins widely as he wins over and over again. Harry may  deal a dangerous hand but we just learn to overcome and move forward.

Dominoes to the rescue

The finished game

 



Mel On Display

Mel proudly displays her paintings

Mel is a social butterfly.  She likes to be one of the party and spends considerable time each week catching up with friends.  Like most of us she has a routine and visits her friends on certain days and times.  She is put out when plans change, but she would rather change the day and time than miss out on socialising.
She not quite so keen on her weekly art class.  She attends the DADAA*  class because people, namely clinic doctors and other professionals ask her what she does in her week.  It's not that she doesn't enjoy sloshing around with paints and crayons, it's just not rated as highly as her one to one friendships.
Mel has been attending art class almost forever. She is no Claude Monet or Leonardo da Vinci.  She is Mel. Our Mel who does her best to take a blank canvas and express herself in her drawings and her paintings.  This year she drew and painted, '2 Japanese Owls' and 'An American Eagle'.  DADAA held their annual art exhibition in the Midland Junction Art Centre, which featured 82 artists, including our Mel. 
We had hoped to attend the opening night but Mel chose to go to the movies with her brother instead!  Admittedly we attended last year and there was hardly room to move in the 19th century building.  At least it was easier to move around today and more comfortable for Merv.  We admired every artist's work in the two front rooms and along the passage.  There is some amazing art work.  Mel's friend who she sees every Tuesday also had her painting on display,  she is a very talented lady.  It was inspiring to see such variety in the work displayed. There were numerous models of light houses, wire-shaped Australian animals and tie-dyed fabric with silhouettes of a line of young women.  A number of differing collages hung proudly on the walls.
The sign said do not take photos.  I positioned Mel in front of her two paintings, told her to smile and swiftly took a photo and hid my camera.  Just in the nick of time as the overseer entered the passageway only seconds later.  Parents can be so naughty sometimes!!

*DADAA works across Western Australia to enhance the social inclusion and wellbeing of people with disability or mental illness through participation in the arts

Where Was My Head?

Enjoying the Great Outdoors

Lazy Sunday morning and running late for breakfast.  Merv took his time to get up and sat at the table awaiting his cereal.  He stared at it and looked up at me.  'Sorry' I said,  I had put my Special K in front of him and I sat staring at his Weet-bix.  Simple mistake, not sure where my head is today.
We headed off to Garvey Park after picking up Mel from her unit.  She was happy and chatted about her weight loss, her boyfriend and her endless social life.


Resting at the end of the footpath

Garvey Park is on the south side of the Swan River and has a long winding footpath ideal for wheelchairs.  We arrived to find all the car parks overflowing onto the grassed areas making it a little more difficult to manage the wheelchair, but we managed alright.   I should have checked the website as there was some type of community fair happening with numerous food stalls,  play stations for the kids including a playtime train.  The footpath wasn't as busy and we picked up speed while enjoying the serenity of the river with the occasional kayaker, waterbirds, shady trees, river reeds and grasses.  The temperature was mild at 24 degrees.  No matter the weather we wear sunhats and take water bottles with us.  Near the end of the footpath is a bumpy wooden bridge with room for walkers in opposite directions but doesn't allow for wheelchairs and bikes opposing each other. We appreciated the bikers who waited for us to reach the end.  The bridge was anything but  level and I pushed Merv up the incline and held on with tightly as it dipped suddenly.


Kayaks on the Swan River

 

We sat under the shady tree at the end of the footpath before preparing ourselves for the return over the bridge once again and back to the car.As we drove onto our paving in the front garden I saw the front door was open.  Oh goodness, thoughts raced through my mind;  had we been burgled, was someone inside?  Bravely I marched inside, the security door was open, I looked around.  What had I done?  Yes, I forgot to lock the door and the house had been open for over three hours!  My iPad was still sitting in the lounge, everything was exactly as we had left it.  I just forgot to lock the doors!  I have done that twice before, but many years ago.  Just like the cereal, where was my head?

What Did I Say?

Sometimes I don't shut up and other times I bide my time before I speak my mind. It depends on the company and the subject.  I figure lots of people are just like me.  Sometimes I just rabbit on because the other person isn't adding to the conversation.  It's like that with Merv.  Before he became ill he would talk almost non-stop.  He talked about everything and nothing, no one could talk more than him.  I wonder now if he knew what was about to happen to him and he was making up for lost time in the future.  Immediately he became ill he stopped conversing.  He could still talk but holding a conversation as we know it was limited and usually consisted of a one sentence statement or question. 
From one extreme to another.  Merv never liked the phone but tolerated it, making a few calls when necessary and answering the phone when no one else was home.  After he became ill he would not answer the phone no matter how long it rang for.   I now make all his calls on his behalf.
I encourage conversation with him by dusting off our many old photo albums.  We have thousands of photos from everyone's birth to now!  So many memories, each one with a story to tell.  I will spend hours looking at people's photos while their other guests are yawning or already snoozing!
I miss our conversations from long ago.  The plans we discussed and put in place together, our hopes and sharing of memories.  I can only move forward reminiscing about the past and finding hope in the future.

Christmas Choices

Last December I had few choices to make.  I was working three days a week and filling the rest of the week with appointments plus my ongoing caring commitments.  The joy of Christmas was everywhere.  Everywhere except within me.  It was more like a battle to keep my head above water.  I shopped for Christmas decorations and bought things I wouldn't necessarily buy.  It compensated for lost joy!  I knew in my heart it was going to be my last working Christmas and like a magpie building its nest I decorated the house,  I decorated my office also and the volunteers came in to marvel at my once boring room transformed into a Christmas wonderland.  I kept the Christmas celebrations with Merv to a minimum.  There was no time to attend a Carols night or drive past local houses transformed into sparkling Christmas scenes or attend other Christmas functions.  We did attend the Huntington's Community afternoon tea and I attended the office party at the local pub. 
This year we get to choose.  Where there is more than one celebration on the same day we choose which event we want to attend.  We are already planning to watch the annual city Christmas pageant next Saturday evening.  I am scouring the local papers for Christmas Carol nights.  Why settle for one, when we can attend two or three or even more!  The joy of community and unity is a warm hug at a Carols evening.  Our calendar is filling quickly and I am beginning to fill with joy!